Monday, April 8, 2013

It had to happen sometime

I feel like I have so many things I want to write about, or stories I'd love to create, or funny blog updates I want to post, but tonight... tonight I'm going to be a mom blog. It had to happen sometime. "It" meaning at some point I had to talk about how amazing my kid is, or how he melts my heart or how being a mom is the most amazing and tiring, hardest, and sometimes most annoying thing in the whole wide world.

But today I wasn't annoyed. Today I wasn't tired. Today was amazing. Major is growing up so fast, and my heart aches just as much as it sings songs of joy because this little boy is so pure and full of life. I get to see his face everyday as we giggle and sing songs and dance. He LOVES to dance.

Major, you LOVE to dance and you have thee best moves. Don't let anyone steal that music in your heart because you're already moving to the beat of your own drum.

I'm cherishing these times because I know the years will be short.  Soon it won't be me he'll be dancing or giggling with, but he will be someone's husband and raising a family of his own. I am raising a man. A man that I hope will have a loving and compassionate heart and a soul full of faith.

In between the silly times, after the giggles and the dancing; after the story and bath times I wonder, "who am I becoming and who am I helping him become?" I hope and I pray that I'm giving him the best start to a life full of goodness, love, faith and adventure, but how am I qualified to do that when I don't hold the keys to those treasures all the time? I'm just me, and all I can do right now is giggle and read stories. All I know is to love him while I try to find the beat of my own heart in the quiet times.  How do you love someone so completely and give yourself so selflessly while still trying to maintain or find your identity? It's a constant battle in itself and I'm convinced moms are the true warriors since the beginning of time.

This poem just came out while I was thinking about motherhood.

We love our children to no end,

We clean and cook and fight for them

But where's our heart when it's split in 3?

It's divided so much, is there one for me?

Be loving, be kind, and follow your dreams

Wash those hands... pick up your things.

We tell them this so religiously

So If I wasn't a mom, who would I be?

I'm remembering the me that's here
But something new has appeared

My heart is not beating just for me
My heart is beating now in threes.

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